A Glimpse Into My Reality...

 I've been doing fine.  Joseph is too.  He already is riding a bike with training wheels. I am so proud of him and he is getting big every day.  He is now 3 years old.  Time realy flys.

Of all the weight I have lost, I have gained 15 lbs back.  I am in the process of losing it.  So far I have lost 5 lbs. I intend to continue my weight loss journey throughout the summer.  I always feel my best when exercising and dieting throughout the summer months.  I am pretty optimistic. 

John, my fiance, is doing really well.  We are focusing on school right now. I was accepted into my schools medical program. I will be a RN within a year and a half.  I am so excited.

Today has been raining pretty hard, but it looks like the sun is making an attempt to come out.

I have completely sabotaged my diet in the past couple of days.  I haven't even really been working out like  I used to.  Tomorrow I plan on getting back on track.  Why the heck do I do this to myself?  I sure hope I don't gain weight when I step on the scale tomorrow.  I probably will though because of all those cookies I had today and cake.

Joseph is doing well.  Its been 5 days and guess what? NO BOTTLE!  Yay!  We did not start potty training because Monday he was very very sick and I've been working overtime 3pm-3am for a few days now.  I'm so tired.  I even cancelled his speech class today and  his speech teacher got all offensive and left me a rude phone message or something.  Screw her! 

My sister is home for the winter holidays and shes already pissing me off.  Her and I completely do not get along.   How the hell am I supposed to function with her home for 3 weeks.  She gets on everyone nerves and think shes entitled to everything, getting into everyones business and thinking she has the answer to everyones problems.... I wish she was at school! This relationship is mutual.

I can't believe it.  Three days, no bottle!  Last night was night number 2 and I put him to bed at 8:30pm.  He fell asleep on the first night at 11pm, went to bed alittle earlier, but on night number 2, he fell asleep a 10:15.  Tonight, it only took him about 45 mins.  I am so proud of my little boy.  I feel like this is something huge.  We have one more bottle  left upstairs and I am completely going to toss it early tomorrow morning.  I can't believe this worked so well.  I can't wait to tell his teacher!  We have been talking about it for a while.

Tomorrow is going to be another big attempt at another milestone for him -potty training!  Tomorrow we start.  I am so nervous, because I know it will be a bitch to do, but at the same time, I know he is a smart little boy and he has it in him.  He knows what a potty is and what it is used for.  He just  needs to apply it to himself now.  I am so proud of him!!!!!!

My little boy is growing up... gosh it kills me.  I swear, him reaching elementary school will give me a nervous break down. LOL I am so attached to him and love him tons.  He is MINE! But, I know he won't be forever.  These small milestones that he will/has overcome makes me think about the future he has... all the other future accomplishments.  Makes me so nervous!  I can't believe how fast he is growing.

Unfortunately, he is sick though.  Sore throat, runny nose, coughing, sneezing, puffy eyes, red cheeks, sweats, congested, etc.  I  have him on children's tylenol.  He is still taking his Zyrtec and his daily Flovent Inhaler.  I have having to watch his asthma because of this cold. I have him on his emergency inhalers at least twice a day.  I would hate for him to have to be nebulized.  I want to keep his body in as much equilibrium as possible.

I actually thought about holding back on teaching him how to use the potty because of his cold, but I tend to show no mercy a lot of times and I think itll only make him stronger to just get through it and deal with it.  If he does wake up tomorrow and get any worse I'm going to say screw the potty and I will be taking him to his pediatrician.

Here are a few recent ones of him....

My son is going to be 3 in March!  He still goes to bed with a bottle. I wanted to get him off of it a long time ago, but my mom and grandma keep buying more.  Today was the first day I had no school. Exams ended yesterday.  I am going to use the next few weeks to focus in on Joseph.  Tonight is the first night, since he was born, that he is going to bed without a bottle.  I gave him a nice bath at 10 minutes til 8pm.  By 8:10pm, he was in bed.  He did great for an hour, and then started crying at about 9:15.  I went in to comfort him for a few minutes.  Did not pull him out of the crib, just hugged him and forced him down.  Left him crying.  He cried for 15 minutes.  Off and on I have been hearing little screams, but it has calmed down quite a bit.  It is 9:33pm.  I hope he is finally tired and falls asleep.  Hopefully this won't be too traumatic for him. 

Starting Monday, he will be getting big boy plastic training underwear!  We will start potty training Monday. I have to be strong with him and just get it all over with.  I am counting on these next few weeks.  I hear him singing right now.  Hey... singing is usually a happy signal for some.  Hopefully tonight won't go on forever.  I am very determined.  I can do this!  I need all the luck I can get.

I want to just pull my fucking hair out of my head and just say the hell with school.  This is exam week, yes it is!  And I could just feel the friggin tension.  I have 5 classes, meaning thats 5 shitty exams and a paper due in one of them.  Today I accomplished taking 3 of them and writing my paper.  It is 9:22pm and I have been going since 3pm.  Took my Developmental Psychology exam, then took my Public Speaking Exam, and then tonight I took my Abnormal Psychology exam.  I just finished writing my paper that has to be sent via email to my Abnormal Psychology teacher. 

As I am writing my paper, my parents are yelling at me and being complete assholes.  I know I have a son,  I know I have responsibility, but I also know I have things that have to be done by certain times.  I am not neglecting my son.  He was watching Nickolodeon and coloring in his coloring book 2 feet away from me at his child-sized table and I was talking to him.  But oh now how I have sinned!  The poor child needs to be in bed... oh yell, and yell and yell.  Thats all they ever do and are ever good for.  While my mom is upstairs watching t.v. like normal probably engorging herself on a bag of sweets and my dad was stuffing his fucking face with chips and watching t.v. They yell at me about putting the baby to bed.  I'M DOING FUCKING IMPORTANT THINGS FOR SCHOOL THAT DO HAVE DEADLINES!  Screw them and their fat asses.

God damn it!  They want me out of the house.  They want me to have a stable career, but do they really want that all for me.  Studying for one fucking test with my son around is a challenge enough.  Studying for these exams have been hell.  I've had my hair pulled, crayons stuck in my ears, toys thrown at me, and my laptop abused.  I spend a lot of quality time with my son, but the one time I need my parents to watch him for me, especially during such a crucial time in the semester, its always FUCK YOU MELISSA!  Thats right, FUCK me!

So far.... today has been great.  I am on my lunch break.  Work has been flying by because instead of them making me do cakes... I'm doing some stocking, which I do prefer as long as I have someone to talk to. 

So far this is what I've eaten today...

Breakfast; cereal 220 calories
Snack: popcorn 130 calories
Lunch; hot dog/cheese 300 calories

So far.. 650 calories....

oh and I had a SF Jello... 5 calories

so my total today is 655 =D


Not so bad I suppose...

I plan on working out like all crazy when I get off of work =D

I usually restrict my calories and use physical activity.  This morning, as soon as I woke up, I did 1 hour on the stationary bicycle and then ate a 1/2 cup of fiber one cereal (110 calories).  My son ate some of it too, so maybe I was quite under 100 calories.  Then we shared a 5 calorie SF Jello.  So maybe I've had under 115 calories.  I also plan on doing a 3 mile jogg while it is nice outside.  Who knows what the rest of the day entails.  So far I"m doing alright and I need to stick to it.  its 9:43am. 

Goodluck to all!

::hugs::

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Its been two years and my son has been keeping my busy.  So much has been happening.  I will have to come back and leave a more traditional blog =D

It's been a long while since I've been on LJ so I thought I'd make another appearance here and actually try to keep up once again. Seems to always have me like that. For some odd reason myspace seems to be my latest addiction. Anyway.. John and I got back together when I was like 34 weeks pregnant. His parents kicked him out and hes living at my parents with me. His father and brother hate my guts and his ex had been harrassing us for a while, through his parents and online to me. Shes so annoying. I'm glad that John and I are back together. Recently we found a home and will be moving in the house shortly. Some type of rent to own type of deal. The funny part is that the house is right across the street from my parents house, but I'd be getting a good deal on it after I rented for a year, since I knew the woman forever. My baby Joseph was also born. He's been the love of my life more than any other lately. Hes my little boy. My mom has his race all confused... shes wishing hes someones and I know for sure that he isnt. My little Joseph is black and italian. I go back to work May 19th... unfortunately dreading it. All will be fine, I just know it. Below is my birth story:

Saturday 3/18 (36 weeks and 4 days preggo) I thought my water was leaking.. went to the doc at noon. Turns out it was... they admitted me and by 3am Sunday I was induced with pitocin. They popped my water at 11am. Epidural didn't take at 3pm... painful painful contractions... so they redid it because they screwed up with the first one and then I was fine. At 5pm they noticed a problem with the baby... did an emergency c-section. The cord was wrapped around the babys neck twice. At 6:23pm Joseph Michael was born weighing in at 6lbs. 3 oz. and 18 inches long. They had to take him to the NICU because he was breathing too fast, making it hard for him to eat. He was hooked up to antibiotics, IV, fed through a tube, and put on oxygen. Hes had some jaundice. I came home and he stayed for over a week longer at St. Francis Hospital.

There are many many pictures below of my little JoJo....

So I went in for my Strep Beta test yesterday. I didn't get to see my doctor... he wasn't available so I had someone else do it. She seemed very nice and talkative but she jammed the thing right where i pee... she wasnt watchign what she was doing and I said "ouch that burns" and she was all like "lemme try it again..." and then she left really quick and told me to come back in 1 week.

Leaving the docs office I felt weird down there and when I got home I used the bathroom soon after and had painful urination and bleeding.. and then it got worse an hour later... called the docs office and they were pretty much blowing me off saying its normal for pregnant women to bleed after pelvic exams and such even though I kept telling her I'm not bleeding from my cervix, I'm bleeding from my urethra. So she scheduled me for an appointment for today...

It got progressively worse and I wound up going to the hospital late last night. Seems the stupid doctor irritated my urethra and could've shoved some cotton up there, so they gave me some gel to put on there and told me to get prodium from the store for pain and it should clear up on its own soon.

I swear I can't stand some doctors... Its like I'm going to make sure the baby and I are doing well and I come back all screwed up. I've been using the gel and stuff and I'm still freakin burning... then again its only been overnight, but if its supposed to clear up on its own, it would at least lighten up a bit and the bleeding would stop....

I don't know if I ever have kids again I'm never ever ever ever going to that particular OB office ever again!!! I've had hardluck with almost every OBGYN there.

I got back from a friends house late last night. Hes a really cool friend and I've always crushed on him, but thats besides the point...

Just what happens when you want something really really bad, but it just so happens something fucked up always gets in the way? You go fucking crazy. There are just a few certain things that I can't do right now that I really really wish I could and after pregnancy it better all change. I'm pissed... among other things, that of course could actually be helped if only fucked up shit didn't get in the way. Gosh errrr nevermind... im such a dork! It's useless... And I'm lacking once again in something I desperately need or perhaps something I really want........

Lifes like a dick, when its hard fuck it - OH WAIT, I CAN'T!!! S.H.I.T!!

Yesterday I had a baby shower with people who barely speak english..lol It was fun though and the people are so nice. As for gifts, I made out like a bandit!

It was so exciting and I'm pretty much set for when the baby comes... the only things I really need are diapers, diapers, diapers... changing table pad covers... a mattress and the high chair!

I do have another baby shower coming up in March, with my American folks It will probably be at a restaurant and it will include friends and family.

The gifts I got yesterday were....

A car seat for 6 months
Clothes..
Blankets..
Towels...
Diapers...
Rash Creams and body wash (stuff like that)
A Baby Wipes Warmer...

...and here are some pictures of things I got...






















Isn't it so cool! I got all that plus plenty more.....!!!!



As far as my wish list.. the last few things I wanted that I didnt get are...







Ahhh but I got so much already... I can't believe I got most of the stuff I wanted yesterday!

I've had this sudden epiphany this week...

Sure I have problems at home and my home is totally dysfunctional, but I know deep down inside most of them love me and would be there for me. I know my mom and my dad and my sister Dolores would be there for me in a jiffy. No one could replace that. Thats a priceless feeling. Some members of my immediate family are a great support group. I may be an unwed pregnant girl with no career goals, or super dreams right now, broke as hell, but I have a beautiful baby boy on the way... who Anthony tells me will change my life forever in a good way. I am secure in a home, with a car and I'm fortunate enough to be intelligent and wise. I have an idea of my future, but no definate goals set just yet, only because I'm scared of screwing them up... as I have in the past. I have a great group of friends in many many age groups... whether they are involved in the good or not so good things in life, they have always been there for me. I've got a great weight support group that I've belonged to for a while (even though my weight really hasn't changed much in a good way..lol). They understand me and know that when I'm ready I will make a change for the better. The different facets of support in my life help make me a stronger person, as well as the mistakes I make that I learn from daily.

This week I've talked to several people, whom I totally care for... friends who have trouble dealing with life in general... a few people who are going through divorce or seperations... and even more people who were so close to being homeless. Some of these people have taken different roads to deal with life, many of not so wise endeavors. Many of those people had no support and I've tried to be of some support. I've realized there are problems that are totally permanent and go deeper than just the superficial realm. I've kept my mouth shut today and actually analyzed my baby sister... shes so young, shes so full of ignorance and irrationality that she doesnt even realize it. I've dealt with someone uneducated, a middle aged person telling me they are at junior high level education, but when I actually talk to them I know its more like 2nd grade. Its easier to pick out the uneducated, or ignorance in the world when you've been blessed and fortunate enough to grasp lessons in life and learn from them. I was so fortunate to be able to go to an excellent private catholic school and then to college (even if it was only a year) and I plan on eventually going back. I love learning new things and watching the national geographic channel or the discovery channel. Many things in the world still amaze me and I won't stop learning about them. I still have a lot of learning to do!

I just got back from seeing a friend of mine in the hospital who was born with a bad heart artery (and never knew it), she is at the hospital and has been for three days, and she is having bypass surgery in the morning... shes scared, but at the same time it makes you realize how valuable life is. She may be scared right now but shes keeping a very optimistic attitude about it all, or maybe its the morphine talking..lol She was joking around about death and her family. Despite her situation, she was such a happy individual when I went to see her. If only the rest of the world kept an optimistic perspective on things, no matter how bad. I'm realizing that you have to in order to get through the days sometimes. No matter how shitty your week or day or even year has been optimism and prayer will get you far! Being hopeful and rejuvenating yourself as best as possible... meditating and keeping an open mind could get you far and help you mentally. Science has proved it may even help your physical being. I love making people feel better, but I have to remember myself as well and keep looking at the world in a mindful manner.